Helmet Closure.

Monday morning I got a phone call from Gordon, the specialist working with us to make Gavin's Helmet. He said he didn't have good news. Unfortunately the people who make the helmets from the scans, measurements, and molds he takes, had rejected it.....again. This was the 4th time we have gotten this done and sent it off in hopes of getting the helmet for our little son. Each time it takes up to 2-weeks to send and have made, not to mention the time it takes to get the initial appointment with Gordon to take the molds. Its a time consuming procedure and cost thousands of dollars, but we were more than willing to do it because Gavin's plates aren't forming together normally, and we want our son to be healthy.

After talking with him for about 10 minutes he apologized and said it has never happened to him in his 28-years. He would totally understand if we decided to go with another specialist but still urged us to get it done.

I got off the phone feeling so frustrated and hurt. My heart had sunk and I felt helpless. I've been trying to do everything I can for Gavin and I now felt like I was running in circles, there was no end in sight. Every time we took him in, they couldn't give us what we needed. He was supposed to have one before the 4th of July and it was now September.

I fell to my knees and began to pray. Crying in between my words I wanted to know what I should do, how I was suppose to help my son when doctors couldn't even help him. I'm his mom, I'm suppose to make it alright, and I was failing. Not to mention my poor son had been put through so much in the last 3-months and his head is still significantly flat and misshapen. The plats still aren't where they should be, and his head is getting harder and harder each day, taking away precious time we could have used to fix it.

In my pleading and helplessness, I remembered all the prayers Matt and I have given when I was pregnant and when Gavin was first born. We have never prayed so hard in our lives. Never has anything been so important to us. We wanted nothing more than our son to be healthy and happy. I paused and remembered all the times we had prayed for that............. I needed to make a decision, and so I did. "We're not getting the helmet, we're not going to go through all of that again.....is that right??" In that moment, all my frustration, all my helplessness, all my hurt and confusion went away. He was going to take care of it. I needed to let go, turn it over to Him and let Him do what we asked him to do from the start. He had heard our prayers and was only waiting for me to give Him a chance. I felt peace. I felt comforted, I felt right for the first time in this whole ordeal.

I called my mom and she mentioned a scripture from the top of her head, Psalms 118:8....she couldn't remember if that was the right one or not, but wanted me to look it up anyway. I read aloud, "It is better to put trust in the Lord than to put Confidence in man."

Having faith that everything be okay, and that Gavin will in fact grow and develop like he should because I've received an answer to my prayers. Hardest thing I have ever done because its not MY life that I'm asking for help, its my son. Putting all my faith and trust in someone higher than doctors. Gavin will not only be alright, he'll be perfect.